I’d like to call this portion of my life “My Hoe Phase” lol. When one hears the term “hoe”, one automatically gives the word a negative connotation. Rightfully so, hip-hop and popular culture has made the term extremely negative. A hoe, stemming from the word whore, is a woman usually who engages in sexual promiscuity and is almost always the subject of sexual objectification. Patriarchal standards and rules always make hoe’s women. This is not to say that men cannot be hoe’s. In fact, in an effort to bring balance to our male-gaze world, I call men hoe’s often, like all the time. If women who are sexually promiscuous are whores, then men who sleep around are them as well. The “Hoe Phase” is a time in one’s life where she/he sleeps around or in my words explores his/her sexuality, learns the sexual ropes, gains some experience to be prepared for “the one”, gains the necessary skills and advice through experience, etc
Back to my “Hoe Phase”
I just lost my virginity the summer after I turned 21 (I know late-bloomer, another story for another time). For about two years I always discussed going through my hoe-phase between ages 20 and 25. I don’t know for some reason, I just knew this would be the prime-time to do it. I hope to get married by the time I am 30 or some time after that. My biggest fear is that once I am married I will not be able to sexually satisfy my husband. I don’t have much life experience, but from what I do know, lack of sexual satisfaction really knows how to destroy marriages, aside from other things. I have always had less than traditional ideals when it came to sex. Blame it on my all-women’s college education, but my attitude about sex is not compatible with my Christian upbringing. I have always believed in sexual liberation, doing what makes you happy. I wanted to experience that for so long- to be in control of my sexual experiences without the permission of anyone else. Losing my virginity was just a stepping stone that I wanted to overcome. Please don’t get religious or self-righteous on me. I made a decision and I’m ok with it.
I’m at point in my life where I am going through transitions. While it would be nice to be in a relationship, I will not be in one place for longer than three months. It is my final year of college. I attend school in MA and I am currently studying abroad in London for three months and have been since September. Trying to start a relationship with someone who is not necessarily worthy of my time is not the smartest thing to do right now. I don’t have time to try and build with someone.
Here Lies My “Hoe Phase”
This is a time where I am taking control of my sexual experiences. This means that I am choosing who, when, where, and why I want to have sex. I don’t always need to have good reasons, however I do need to be accountable for my actions. I want to try new things. You may call it being a hoe. I call it doing whatever the f**k I want to do. If you do choose to judge me, remember the saying “Don’t throw rocks at a glass house” or something like that. Basically nobody is perfect, so shut up, live your life, and I will live mine. Wish me luck as I continue to figure things out.