Lately I’ve been thinking about love. That feeling you get when everything seems at peace and you’re happy with someone. I’ve never have had the feeling. If I did have it, I don’t remember what it’s like. I really just want to love and care for someone. The way my life is set-up right now I know that I’m not ready or emotionally stable enough to let someone in. I am never in one place for more than 3-4 months at a time and I am not fully confident in myself, emotionally. I don’t think I could handle someone loving me right now. My parents are basically getting a divorce and it hurts. It sucks to watch your first love, your father, disrespect your mother and just give up and be self righteous. It’s like falling out of love with your first love. It sucks even more to watch your mother, your best friend, hurt and know that you can’t really help.
As much as I want love, I am scared of it. I am scared of falling in love with the wrong person. I am scared of falling in love and finding out the man you love does not really know you and never really liked you for you. He fell in love with an idea of you.
Love always looked like a safety net to me. After the fighting and turmoil and fucked up life shit, you always had love. Lately it’s been looking like the safety net is broken.