Eve Ensler: I Never Defined a Woman as a Person With a Vagina

TIME

Twenty years ago, when I wrote The Vagina Monologues, it was very difficult to say the word vagina anywhere. The public utterance of the word alone was explosive as so much of the truth about what happened to vaginas was repressed, denied, kept secret, and coated in shame and self-hatred.

Sadly, I would argue, The Vagina Monologues is still relevant here in the U.S. and around the world. Over 51% of the population has vaginas, clitorises, vulvas, and many to this day do not feel comfortable, familiar, free, or endowed with agency over them. One out of three women will experience physical or sexual violence in her lifetime.

Ten years ago, I was thrilled when a group of transgender women decided to do an all-trans production of my play. In preparation for the show, we gathered for days of dialogue and sharing of stories that, at the request of…

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I Get Lonely Too

Do you know what sucks? Do you know what really sucks? Taking care of everyone and listening to everyone else’s problems, but feeling alone and stuck when you need someone. I’ve been feeling very alone since I’ve returned from London. Before I returned, I was excited to see my friends, old flings, my family, etc. I was excited to share my time abroad, make new memories, and just laugh with the people I cared about the most. But lately everything just feels off. I feel off. I feel like I don’t belong. Places where I used to fit. I don’t anymore.

Anytime I try to talk to people about how I feel, it just feels like no one really cares to listen. Everyone wants to give me solutions, but no one wants to let me vent. Usually I don’t share my feelings or complain too much about how I feel. So maybe it’s my fault that I don’t have anyone to talk. Maybe I am the one who has changed. I even tried the age-old trick of going back to ex’s. I went back to Ricardo, or at least I tried. When I was abroad, we would chat every now and then. I thought things were good. I thought I could come back and we could just enjoy each other. However every time I spoke to him, I felt like a burden. It didn’t feel fun. Speaking to Ricardo felt like speaking to someone who did not want to speak to you. It sucks. I feel like no one cares. The only time I feel something/a feeling is after sitting alone for a few hours or having sex with the only person who makes me feel wanted. My time with that person is limited.

What I am saying is that I am scared and vulnerable. I am desperately trying to maintain my pride, but this is when I do something stupid. This is when I sleep with someone who doesn’t care about me. Even more I’m scared that I gave the wrong people my time, not just sexually, but just in general. I’m just trying to find my “happy place” again without needing people, but this time I don’t think I can find it on my own again.

yes, a Drake reference is always necessary 

The List: 8) Richie

Before I start 1) I am well aware that I didn’t finish before 2014 ended, but I felt the need to finish this thing out and 2) I skipped #7 because I have discussed him enough.  Here and here, so I’m pretty much over talking about him.

Richie is an asshole.This guy played hopscotch on my nerves like it was his job. He was cool until he wasn’t. Richie had a tendency to say controversial things or things that would need to be checked and expected me not to respond. For example he would say “We would be great together, if you just let me be the man”. Now yes, this is not terrible BUT there are many things you don’t do with me in the early stages of a relationship. One of the things you should not do is try to assert your manhood. I already know that you are a man. If you feel the need to assert yourself, then you are not the guy for me. It shows weakness, like you have a small penis. And Richie had a small penis.

When Richie and I “hung out”, I could tell his ego would be his demise. He talked a lot about demanding respect, having a lot of money, and being in control of things. I have the amazing ability to ignore and store information for later use. I kind of like that “Ignore and Store”. He was one of those people who say a lot, but do not really saying anything. Yeah so I just let him talk. Like I said his penis was small, not just smaller than my past partners, but small. Sex with him was well a notch below mediocre. I hadn’t had sex in months when I got with Richie and it was such a disappointment. I don’t think it actually counted. His stroke game was ok and he could not eat vagina. Actually “Do You Dine Below” was inspired by him.

The worst part about Richie was his lack of self-esteem directly correlated to his penis size. I think he could tell that I wasn’t satisfied. He kept blaming me. Is it my fault that I have had quality sex with men who had quality penis? He kept saying that I was making fun of him and I need a monster penis. Can I just quickly point out that Nigerian men are the only men who have made comments about penis size? In my defense, I have had monster dick and it’s not all that it’s hyped up to be. He just had low self-esteem and often threw off on me, or at least tried to. He was nice when he wanted to be and a dick when he wanted. He did buy my groceries for the week, so that was a win on my end lol.

 

So that’s the end of my 2014 list. Who were your favorites? Who did you like? Who did you hate? Who do you wish makes an appearance in 2015? I would love to hear your opinions