The Thing About Sex

The thing about sex is that it’s only a temporary fix for your problems, a temporary release. After the adrenaline wears off and you go back home, you feel as empty as you did when you got there.  Now for me, I am sort of incapable of having meaningful relationships because I get bored quickly and/or I find things to dislike. Unfortunately I have a fantasy relationship in which I which I will only get into a relationship if it feels right. I have to feel right and good and beautiful with you. If I don’t feel that, I can’t be with you. So I use sex as my release. Though a temporary fix, it gets the job done. It makes me feel something. Sometimes I walk around my house, applying to jobs, and after awhile I feel so drained and tired that I feel nothing. I don’t feel happiness or sadness or excitement or anxiety. I kind of want to ball up and hide. Wait: Am I depressed? Then I meet someone and decide to have sex with them. There is of course a vetting process of sorts. I don’t have meaningless sex with no sexual rewards. Every sexual encounter I have ever had has been great. However I fear that I am using sex and dates to compensate for the other things in my life that are not going my way. Ugh! I hate writing because I always self-diagnose. In “Grace and Frankie” there is a scene where Frankie convinces Grace to vlog because it will help her hear what she needs to hear, as told by herself. This is what’s happening here. I think I will stop when I finally start working. As of now, there is nothing else consuming my time. I need a distraction from my poor job progress. This is it.

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