Of all the things one could ask for, honesty is definitely not at the top of the list. I could truly enjoy an endless bank account, an all-expenses paid trip to Dubai with first-class seats, and a Birkin bag. I’m a renaissance woman who likes nice things. However honesty is extremely important. Especially since my life is changing every time I trim my edges (which is pretty often – split ends are a sin), I need people in my life who are going to upfront with me. There are so many moving pieces in my life that stable friends and associates are a necessity.
Speaking of associates (see what I did there), I’ve been involved with a guy for almost 5 months now. We met online (because NY is a social joke), went on a date, and just clicked. It had been awhile since I met someone who sparked my interest the way he did. Over the months we spent more time hanging out, getting to know each other, and simply enjoying each other. About midway through, the reality that I am not his only one, simply part of his starting line-up, started to settle in. After putting my superb research skills to test, I found a very active OkCupid profile. At one point I invited him on a date (which was a really big deal for me) and he basically ignored the offer. One couldn’t help but wonder that he was too busy with the next chick to even consider me. I basically begged him to be upfront with me about the other people he was involved with and he never took the opportunity to tell me his full truth. At this point, I took a step back, re-assessed my feelings, and decided to simply enjoy our time together. I also gave myself until the end of the year to make a decision on him.
Fast forward to about a month ago, things are great between us. I like him; he likes me. We’re having fun, but I can tell that he might be growing actual feelings for me. This is great for me, but it turns out to be a huge obstacle. A few days ago he tells me that he’s essentially in love with his best friend and while he does like me, he’s not interested in a relationship………..with me. How fucked up is that? What made this exchange even more shitty is that I never asked him for more than what we had at the moment. I never asked to be his girlfriend. He just had this sudden desire to be completely honest with me. He started with “I don’t want to hurt you”. Anytime your partner starts anything with “I don’t want to hurt you”, prepare for flying bullshit. I even considered getting him a Christmas gift.
Initially I was really sad, but then anger reared her beautiful head. There were so many questions around his timing. I felt like he decided to be honest with me because his dishonesty was eating at him. He was growing actual feelings for me and had to control them. His act was purely selfish, because he did not tell me the truth when I asked for it. He told me the truth out of fear.
So why is this the greatest gift? Now that I know his truth, I can make a more informed decision on what to do with him. I feel like there is always a lesson to learn with this guy.