So over the past two months, I’ve been healing from a break-up. Honestly it was one of the most emotionally stressful things I’ve ever done. For those who are new, I don’t date and I’ve never been deeply involved with someone, like I had been with this particular person. My feelings have been well-documented here. No, I’m not fully over him and I don’t think I ever will be, but I am certainly moving on with my life. So I decided to share some tips to get over a break-up, well at least the ones that helped me.
- Cry It Out – The first thing all of my closest friends told me to do was just cry it out. They told me to cry as much as I needed to do. Initially I was apprehensive to crying, especially over some nigga who hurt my feelings. For me, crying meant that he won. He hurt me to the point where the thought of him made me so emotional that I was crying everywhere – the supermarket, church, work, happy hour drinks – for weeks. I remember ugly crying so hard that I just cried myself to sleep. Crying was super therapeutic; it allowed me to get out all of those emotions I was holding in from everyone. Then one day I woke up and I was like “I’m done crying over this guy”. Yeah I was hurt, but I had to move on with my life. I was sad and it was affecting all areas of my life in ways I did not like.
- Find An Outlet – My friends and family were always there for me when I needed them to be, but talking to them didn’t feel enough. I didn’t always feel better after talking to them. To really get those emotions out, I would write letters to the guy that were completely honest. I never sent the letters, but writing things down helped me be honest with my own emotions. I tried really hard to appear “strong and tough” when really I was hurting and vulnerable. I was at a place where if he came back into my life, I would have taken him back because that’s how much I still cared about him. My outlet was writing and it helped, a lot. Another outlet of mine was reading. I may have read like two books in like a month. Sula by Toni Morrison reminded me of who I was.
- Be Honest With Yourself – This probably should have been number one. Before this guy, I was a SAVAGE. I would literally eat dudes up, spit them out, and toss them to the side. No, I wasn’t a terrible person, but if sex was all I wanted from you, then sex was what I got. I’m not one to string folks along.So when the interest was lost or I knew he wasn’t the one, I ended things, like an adult. This guy made me super soft. Because I don’t let people into my inner circle, opening up to him and deciding to date him meant that I really cared about him. When shit went left between us, I tried really hard to act like I was okay – but I wasn’t. Emotionally I was distraught, not because I was in love but because I felt betrayed by someone who practically begged me to trust him. This guy is someone who I almost loved. So if anything, I felt like I was being cheated out of happiness over some bullshit. It’s some bullshit, because I don’t even know why he stopped talking to me. When we were still dating, I stopped talking about him to my friends. My friends didn’t really know the extent of our relations, so they didn’t understand why I was so emotional about it. Once I was honest with myself about ALL of my feelings, the healing process started to speed up.
- Remember Who You Are – Before him, I was a bad bitch. After him, I’m a badder bitch. Lowkey, I’m popping and every nigga I’ve turned down while I was in mourning knows this. I was turning down dick left and right. Then I was like “my body is ready”. Of course, I’m selective, but I always have a great lot to choose from. I began reconnecting with my friends and going on dates. I started doing things that made me happy. Instead of being sad because this asshole didn’t answer my phone calls, I redirected my attention. For example I didn’t wear much makeup with him because he thought I was beautiful just the way I am – which is true. But playing in makeup is so much fun. Don’t let these young men stop you from buying every highlighter, concealer, and blush imaginable. The point is I learned to find my own happiness. I had to go every motion of this breakup to remind myself that I am enough.