What’s The Greatest Gift? Honesty

Of all the things one could ask for, honesty is definitely not at the top of the list. I could truly enjoy an endless bank account, an all-expenses paid trip to Dubai with first-class seats, and a Birkin bag. I’m a renaissance woman who likes nice things. However honesty is extremely important. Especially since my life is changing every time I trim my edges (which is pretty often – split ends are a sin), I need people in my life who are going to upfront with me. There are so many moving pieces in my life that stable friends and associates are a necessity.

Speaking of associates (see what I did there), I’ve been involved with a guy for almost 5 months now. We met online (because NY is a social joke), went on a date, and just clicked. It had been awhile since I met someone who sparked my interest the way he did. Over the months we spent more time hanging out, getting to know each other, and simply enjoying each other. About midway through, the reality that I am not his only one, simply part of his starting line-up, started to settle in. After putting my superb research skills to test, I found a very active OkCupid profile. At one point I invited him on a date (which was a really big deal for me) and he basically ignored the offer. One couldn’t help but wonder that he was too busy with the next chick to even consider me. I basically begged him to be upfront with me about the other people he was involved with and he never took the opportunity to tell me his full truth. At this point, I took a step back, re-assessed my feelings, and decided to simply enjoy our time together. I also gave myself until the end of the year to make a decision on him.

Fast forward to about a month ago, things are great between us. I like him; he likes me. We’re having fun, but I can tell that he might be growing actual feelings for me. This is great for me, but it turns out to be a huge obstacle. A few days ago he tells me that he’s essentially in love with his best friend and while he does like me, he’s not interested in a relationship………..with me. How fucked up is that? What made this exchange even more shitty is that I never asked him for more than what we had at the moment. I never asked to be his girlfriend. He just had this sudden desire to be completely honest with me. He started with “I don’t want to hurt you”. Anytime your partner starts anything with “I don’t want to hurt you”, prepare for flying bullshit. I even considered getting him a Christmas gift.IMG_1075

Initially I was really sad, but then anger reared her beautiful head. There were so many questions around his timing. I felt like he decided to be honest with me because his dishonesty was eating at him. He was growing actual feelings for me and had to control them. His act was purely selfish, because he did not tell me the truth when I asked for it. He told me the truth out of fear.

So why is this the greatest gift? Now that I know his truth, I can make a more informed decision on what to do with him. I feel like there is always a lesson to learn with this guy.


I’m Okay. I Promise

It’s been awhile since I have posted anything new. Since graduating college, my life has not been turning out the way I thought it would have turned out. It’s like everything I thought I would have or would have accomplished isn’t even close to happening. BUT that doesn’t mean my life is a mess, it’s just different. Different has been pretty weird for me.

I have a ton of thoughts and I’m just going to list them

  • This blog is full of emotions. If you knew me (clearly you don’t), you would have never known I was the author.
  • It’s interesting how life changes on you so quickly
  • I’m thinking of revamping this entire thing.
  • Roses are and will always be tireless gestures.
  • My closest friends are all over the world and I am here – at home.
  • How do people reconcile their emotions? I need to learn how to do that.
  • I use the letter “I” a lot.
  • Yeah I’m going to try a new approach.

25 Things Every Woman Should Have By The Time She Turns 25

Thought Catalog

1. Enough confidence to no longer feel the need to justify what she eats, who she dates or what she wears, not only to other people, but to herself. 

2. The goal of a bank account with a few months’ living expenses in it, if she doesn’t have that already. Just in case.

3. Only the phone numbers, Facebook friends, weekend plans, and roommates she actually wants.

4. A best friend who is like a sister.

5. A space of her own.

6. A good idea of what she needs in a romantic relationship, not just what she wants, or what she thinks she needs, and the willingness to explore different people and other ideas to find what exactly that is.

7. A closet of what she considers to be her “staples,” and among these things, something to wear to an interview, funeral, wedding, impromptu Friday night drink at a casual bar…

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